So drunk its hurt
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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