No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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