I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
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Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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