i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
