my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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