Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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