He kissed a someone with a penis
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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