Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
