im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
