You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
