This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
