she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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