I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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