got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
