yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
