Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
