Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
