i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I just sharted jello shots
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
