it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
