she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
