life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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