Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
