After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i think i have herpe
just one?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
