I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
