my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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