I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
