she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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