fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
