This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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