so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
