Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
