another moral hangover. fuck.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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