Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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