The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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