I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
