Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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