His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
