We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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