she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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