So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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