Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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