the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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