Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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