I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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