I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
