I'm so fucking centered right now
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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