I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
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I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
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MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have tasted many bathrooms
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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