I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
