what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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