I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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