worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
