when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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