I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
