and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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