My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
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Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
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You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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