Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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