don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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