i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
