Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
