but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
