i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
