im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
