You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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