We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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