We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
