you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
