He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also, beer. Big fan.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
