Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Randomize
