Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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