you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
