well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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