it wasn't lemon gatorade
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
