can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
