everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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