He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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